Am I Avoiding the Decision That Actually Matters?
On decision paralysis, false progress, and knowing what to do next when everything feels urgent
You know the feeling.
Another meeting wraps up. You made three decisions. Assigned two next steps for each person at the table. Everyone leaves feeling productive.
But you’re still carrying the same weight you walked in with.
Because the real decision? Yup, still sitting there. Unnamed. Unresolved. Getting heavier by the day.
Maybe it’s the pivot you’ve been thinking about for six months. Maybe it’s the leadership change everyone knows needs to happen but nobody wants to say out loud. Maybe it’s the funding offer that would solve your cash problem but compromise everything you started this for.
You’re not lazy. You’re not indecisive. Hell, you’re making decisions constantly.
You’re just not making the one that actually matters.
And the longer you avoid it, the more energy you burn working around it. Optimizing everything except “that one thing”. Building elaborate systems to avoid facing what needs to happen.
This isn’t about willpower. It’s about recognition.
You can’t make a decision you haven’t named yet.
Why We Avoid the Real Decision
Beyond the fact that we all carry a whole life of experiences that inform how we think and what we do with our time on this one precious planet, the decision that matters is usually the one that:
Changes everything if you make it.
Oh my god, that can sound pretty scary. Small decisions are safe. Reversible. They don’t reshape the whole organization. The ones we avoid? Those are the ones that fundamentally alter the company’s trajectory, and our own. New direction. Different team. Changed mission scope.
These decisions have weight because they have very real consequences.
Reveals something we don’t want to face.
Sometimes the decision itself isn’t even hard. What’s hard is what making it would mean.
That the current approach isn’t working. That you hired the wrong person. That your co-founder sees the future completely differently than you do. That the thing you loved about being small goes away when you grow.
The decision forces you to acknowledge a truth you’ve been working around. What do “I” want?
Requires saying no to something good.
The hardest decisions aren’t between good and bad. They’re between good and better. Between two paths that both have real merit.
You’re not avoiding it because the answer is unclear. You’re avoiding it because both answers cost you something real.
Choosing means loss. So you keep both options alive. Which means neither moves forward.
Exposes you to judgment or risk.
Some decisions make you visible. They invite criticism. That new launch could fail publicly. Standing for something means showing up for what you voiced support for. They require conviction when you don’t have certainty.
It’s easier to keep optimizing. Keep researching. Keep building consensus.
Because if you never actually decide, you can’t be wrong.
Makes you responsible for the outcome.
As long as the decision isn’t made, the future stays theoretical. Once you decide, you own it.
The team will follow your call. The board will hold you accountable. The mission depends on getting this right.
That responsibility feels heavy. So you delay. You gather more data. You wait for certainty that will never come.
The avoidance isn’t weakness. It’s protection. Your brain is trying to keep you safe.
But safety has a cost too.
The Cost of Not Deciding
While you’re avoiding the real decision, here’s what’s actually happening:
Your team knows.
I interview teams all the time. They might not say it explicitly (thought, they often do). But they feel it. The uncertainty. The working around something. The plans that don’t quite add up because they’re built on top of an unmade decision.
Good people start hedging. Why go all-in when leadership hasn’t?
You’re making the decision anyway.
Not deciding is a decision. You’re choosing the status quo. You’re choosing to let time make the call instead of you.
And time rarely decides in your favor. Markets move. People leave. Opportunities close.
Not deciding doesn’t preserve your options. It just lets circumstances decide for you.
Everything else gets harder.
That strategy you’re trying to execute? It’s built on assumptions that might not be true if you made the real decision.
Those team conversations? Dancing around the thing nobody can say.
That funding pitch? Hedging because you haven’t committed to a direction.
Avoiding one decision creates friction in every other decision.
You’re bleeding energy.
The body keeps the score! The mental load of managing around an unmade decision is exhausting. Part of your brain is always tracking it. Always aware of what’s not resolved. Always managing the implications of not choosing.
That energy could be building something. Instead it’s maintaining avoidance.
The decision gets harder, not easier.
You’re waiting for clarity. For certainty. For the perfect moment.
Sorry friend, but decisions don’t get easier with time unless something actually changes. The variables multiply. The stakeholders increase. The implications compound.
The decision you’re avoiding today will be messier in six months.
How to Name the Decision You’re Avoiding
Start here:
Ask what you’re optimizing around.
Look at where you’re spending energy. What are you constantly fixing, adjusting, planning around?
Often we’re building elaborate workarounds for something we haven’t decided.
If you’re always managing team dynamics, maybe the real decision is about leadership fit. If you’re endlessly explaining your positioning, maybe the real decision is about who you actually serve.
Your workarounds point to the unmade decision.
Notice what conversations you keep postponing.
What’s the meeting you’re not scheduling? The email you’re not sending? The conversation you’re not having with your co-founder or board?
The thing you keep saying “we need to talk about this” but never actually do?
That’s probably it. We postpone the conversations that would force us to choose.
Identify what would change if you had clarity.
Imagine you wake up tomorrow and the decision is made. What changes? What gets easier? What moves forward? What stops?
If the answer is “almost everything,” tada, you found it!
The decisions that matter are the ones that unlock or reshape everything else.
Ask what you’re afraid will happen if you decide.
Not the rational risks. The fear underneath.
Afraid of being wrong? Afraid of losing something? Afraid of what it says about you? Afraid of the conflict it will create?
Name the fear. Say it out loud. Look yourself in the mirror and say it again.
Because often the decision itself isn’t that hard. It’s what the decision means that scares you.
Look for the decision hiding under the question.
Sometimes we frame things as questions when they’re really unmade decisions.
“Should we hire?” might really be “Am I ready to let go of control?”
“Should we pivot?” might be “Am I willing to admit this isn’t working?”
“Should we scale?” might be “Am I willing to lose what makes us special?”
Get underneath the surface question to the actual choice.
Notice what you’re researching endlessly.
Still gathering information? Still asking for more opinions? Still waiting for one more data point?
Sometimes research is genuinely needed. But often? It’s sophisticated avoidance.
If you’ve been researching the same decision for months, you probably have enough information.
What you’re missing isn’t data. It’s willingness to choose.
The decision is probably simpler than you think. It’s just not easy.
Making the Decision (Without Perfect Information)
Here’s what actually helps:
Name it out loud.
Say the actual decision. Write it down. Tell someone you trust.
“The real decision is whether to replace our CTO.” “The real decision is whether to take this funding.” “The real decision is whether to pivot our model.”
Naming it moves it from background anxiety to concrete choice. And concrete choices can be evaluated.
Separate the decision from the implementation.
You don’t need to know exactly how you’ll execute before you decide. That’s just another form of avoidance.
Decide the direction first. Figure out the steps second.
You’re not committing to perfection. You’re committing to a path. The “how” becomes clearer once you commit to the “what.”
Acknowledge what you’ll lose.
Every real decision involves tradeoffs. Name them. Grieve them if you need to.
You’re not choosing between perfect and imperfect. You’re choosing which imperfect you can live with.
Being honest about loss makes the decision more real and more human.
Set a decision date.
Not “soon.” Not “when we have clarity.” An actual date.
“We’re deciding this by Friday.”
Tell someone. Put it in writing.
Deadlines create focus. They force the mental work that’s been getting delayed. And often, just setting the date starts clarifying your thinking.
Decide how you’ll decide.
What criteria matter? Who needs input? What information is genuinely necessary vs. nice to have?
What’s your process for working through it?
Defining the decision-making process separate from the decision itself reduces overwhelm. You’re not facing some amorphous huge choice. You’re following a process.
Make the smallest version of the decision you can.
If the full decision feels too big, what’s the smallest step that moves you toward it?
Can you pilot instead of fully committing? Test with one team before rolling out? Make a provisional choice you revisit in 90 days?
Sometimes you don’t need to make the forever decision. You just need to make the next one.
Remember: deciding badly beats not deciding at all.
You can course-correct from a decision. You can learn from outcomes. You can adjust based on new information.
But you can’t course-correct from avoidance. You can’t learn from not choosing.
Perfect decisions don’t exist. Forward movement does.
What Happens After You Decide
The relief might not come immediately.
Making the hard decision doesn’t instantly resolve everything. There’s still execution. There are still consequences. There might be discomfort, conflict, or complexity.
But something shifts. Gradually, at first. Then momentum picks up.
The energy that was going toward avoidance can now go toward action. The conversations that were stuck can move forward. The plans that were hedged can get specific.
Your team can stop wondering and start building.
You’ll know more after you decide than you could have known before. The decision creates information. It reveals what’s next. It clarifies what matters.
It shows you what you’re capable of.
And even if it’s the wrong decision? You’ll know that too. Which means you can adjust. Change course. Try something else.
The organizations that move forward aren’t the ones with perfect information. They’re the ones willing to make decisions with what they have. That takes courage to believe in yourself and your team.
The leaders who build something meaningful aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. They’re the ones who don’t let unmade decisions drain their momentum.
So here’s the question to sit with tonight:
What decision are you avoiding?
Not the small ones you’re making every day. The one underneath. The one that would change things. The one you’ve been working around.
You already know what it is.
The question is: what would it take to actually make it?
Not perfectly. Not with certainty. Just to make it.
Because the decision that matters isn’t the one you’re most prepared for.
It’s the one that most unlocks what’s next.
And I promise you, you’re more ready than you think.